So to continue the tales of terror ;-) I should tell you the story of my second child's birth. I didn't realise it at the time but I had had some Prenatal Depression with that pregnancy. We found out late in the pregnancy (34 weeks) that the baby was a girl. I was a bit disappointed at first, I had pictured a little boy in my head the whole pregnancy so far and it was hard to let go of that picture. By the time the baby was born I would say my feelings had progressed to ambiguous.
At my 39 week visit to the ob I had finally convinced him to give me an induction on the due date, this was only a week before Christmas and I DID NOT want my baby to have a birthday on Christmas day, I needn't have worried. The night two days before the baby was due I couldn't sleep, I don't know how many times I got in and out of bed but it was a lot. I kept getting up and doing things around the house because I couldn't sleep. The following morning was a Monday and I asked my husband to stay home from work because I was not feeling well and didn't think I could cope with our 2.5 yo son. I had a sleep in the morning and then I suggested that seeing as we were both home that it might be a good time to do some grocery shopping. Once we got there I went to town. We walked out of the supermarket with a trolley that was piled high with food. Lots and lots and lots of meat. lol it makes me laugh to think about it now, why didn't I realise what was going on? So we got home and my poor husband had to unpack the car and put everything into the fridge/freezer. I sat down while he did this, I was starting to feel even worse and the "cramps" I had been having for weeks were getting much much worse. Finally it dawned on me, I was in labour. My first labour had been induced so I had no idea what prelabour and the normal slow build up of labour was like. I said something to my husband and he started making calls about getting grandparents to our place to look after our eldest. I asked him to make me some pasta to eat. That is all I felt like, pasta with some cheese on it. Duh my body knew what it was doing better than I did, stock up on some complex carbs for the hard work ahead. Unfortunately I never got that pasta, I was sitting there and I felt this little "pop" half way up my belly on the left side. I said to my husband and Mum (who had just got there) that I thought my water had just broken, but no, no gush of liquid that the movies have programed us to expect. Then I needed to go to the toilet so I got up, there it was, that feeling of doing a wee without doing a wee. When I got back from the toilet my husband had called the hospital to let them know we would be coming in soon, I still wanted to eat my pasta, but they wanted to talk to me. As soon as the midwife talked to me she said she wanted me to come in. I guess they don't know how quickly things move with second babies. So my husband and I got in the car, half way to the hospital I was suddenly glad that we were on our way, with the fluid gone the baby's head was now pushing on my cervix and suddenly the contractions went from mildly uncomfortable to downright painful. Suddenly I remembered all the pain from my first labour and was frightened. I was convinced I would not cope this time any better than I did last time. We walked into the hospital, having to pause frequently while I had a contraction. Eventually we got up to the birthing suite and I told the midwife I wanted an epidural. She looked at me and said "you only just got here" but I was terrified and the other midwife took one look at my face and responded "we can do that" and left to order it. Thank goodness for empathetic midwives. I might have been able to cope with that labour but the fact I was starting out terrified of the pain would not really have helped.
So another 8 hours of labour (so much for second babies being quicker) the midwife tells me to ease off on the epidural. Finally it is time to push. So I pushed, this time the baby was not in distress and I could take my time. Still the second stage of labour only took half an hour. And my baby girl was born. She didn't cry either. They put her on my chest but I didn't take one look at her and fall in love like I had done with my son, I thought she was ugly and smelt bad. I said I was hungry, I never did get that pasta, and the midwife went to get something for me, but before she got back I started vomiting everywhere. She walked back in with some sandwiches and took one look at me and said "you aren't going to want these!" and walked out again. After cleaning up etc I was sitting in a wheel chair ready to go to my room and my mum tried to hand the baby back to me, I refused and told her she should have a cuddle. What I was thinking was "I wonder if he [husband] will let me give her away". It is a horrible thing to think but at the time I had totally rejected her. It took three days before I started to bond with her. Now she is my darling girl and I couldn't imagine life with out her and I have since found out that these feelings weren't "wrong" or "bad" but actually fairly common. It can happen to any of us and we should NEVER feel guilty about them.
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